My children Are Not More Important Than Me

It’s something we say when we become mothers. My children are the most important people in my life. My children are my life. My children mean the world to me. It’s something that is implied in all the things that we do for them- every night feed and nappy change and home cooked meal. It’s something we are told we must feel. It’s the way all mothers feel. If there are only three slices of cake you let the kids have it and go without. It’s a mother’s duty to sacrifice for her children, because they’re the most important people in her life.

No.

My children are not more inportant than me. My children ARE important. Very. I love them more than I ever thought I could ever love anyone. I love them when they shout. I love them when they cry. I love them when they tell me they hate me. I do love them unconditionally, but I need to refuse to let them be more important than me.

I matter too!

I am a person too.

And I need my kids to know that I am just as important as they are. My thoughts, my feelings and my needs are important too. And this starts with me.

Time out from the kids is not selfish. Taking the last slice of cake might be mean, but it’s not wrong. Wanting something for yourself does not make you a bad mother. It makes you a better one!

I want my kids to see me as a person who isn’t afraid to take chances and to work hard for what she wants. A person who respects herself enough to carve out a little time each day for herself a person who is worth it. We don’t stop being important just because we’ve birthed a baby. Our emotional wellbeing means something too and the way that we allow others to treat us is vital if we want our own children to grow up with self respect too.

So how am I doing? Last week I went away. A night away from the children. From the baby. For the first time ever. And my family did not crumble! They are still here, demanding my time, my patience and my love. I got the longest cuddle from them all when I returned to their arms and I missed them so much it was like a gnawing pain in my chest. Did I feel guilty? You bet. But I’m working on that.

13 Comments

  1. May 28, 2016 / 9:35 pm

    it is so hard to just switch off completely isn’t it? glad you managed to get some time away x

  2. May 29, 2016 / 2:31 pm

    To have a healthy relationship with your children, you need time away from them! It’s a fact! You are a full time carer- it’s a job, you need time out, even just for a few hours. If you are lucky enough to be able to take a night or two (or more) away, safe in the knowledge that you family is in good hands, grab the opportunity with both hands! Absence makes the heart grow fonder- you’ll be stronger for it and shouldn’t feel guilty. By looking after yourself, you are looking after them! xx

    • May 30, 2016 / 6:46 pm

      Yes I agree with this wholeheartedly. Its taken me a while to see it but you’re right, thank you xx

  3. May 30, 2016 / 12:22 pm

    My motto is a happy mum/mam equals happy kids. You need that time, you need to unwind and destress. Parenting is tough at times. Glad you had a lovely time away for the night, try do it a little more often – says the one who’s yet to leave the 8 month old lol xxxx

    • May 30, 2016 / 6:45 pm

      Haha but in all fairness, there’s no point doing it if you really don’t want to. Take your time and when you’re ready you’ll feel much better for it xx

  4. May 30, 2016 / 5:12 pm

    Oh gosh. This is so right. We should definitely be more important.

    • May 30, 2016 / 6:44 pm

      I think so too. Its getting easier but I have to admit last weekend made me feel really guilty! xxx

  5. Hannah Clarke
    May 31, 2016 / 12:59 am

    I feel like I’m a better mum to Toby because I have some time without him. He’s always been a challenging child and I need that break to recuperate and get ready to start again! We do need to try and remember that our needs are as important as theirs zz

  6. Kerry Norris
    May 31, 2016 / 2:42 pm

    This is a brilliant post. I feel like I have completely lost myself since becoming a mum. Some me time is essential but you’re right. We always feel guilty about it. How great that you had a night away x

  7. May 31, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    That’s very true, you really should take time for yourself and show your children that you as a person are important.

  8. June 10, 2016 / 3:10 pm

    It is so important to have some me time as mums we need to look after ourselves. It doesn’t stop the guilt but it is up to us to let the guilt go because if we are happy our kids are happy too, glad you had some time away hope you had a lovely time too. xx

    • June 10, 2016 / 3:25 pm

      I did, thank you! I’m paying for it now though as Elsie is super clingy with me but it was worth it! xx

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